Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
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Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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