I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
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She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
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