Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize