Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize