This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
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When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
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Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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