Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
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hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
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All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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