im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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