It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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