There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
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We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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