I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
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