I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
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should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
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Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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