party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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