we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
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i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
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Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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