whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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