Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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