i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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