I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize