she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize