I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
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her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
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Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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