He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize