Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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