i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize