I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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