If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize