he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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