Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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