Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize