Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize