I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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