I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
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Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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