maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
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Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There's always time for handjobs
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
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There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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