Me. At least after what I've been through.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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