you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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