I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
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All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
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There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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