WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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