Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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