The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bag of teeth...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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