You work out of a Hotel?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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