I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
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Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
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May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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