Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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