My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize