Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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