4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
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Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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