I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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