Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark

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(206): I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark http://tfl.nu/8yek

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(703): View more from Virginia

Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend

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(703): Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend http://tfl.nu/gm3r

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(917): View more from New York City

she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.

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(917): she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could. http://tfl.nu/cj4q

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(815): View more from Illinois

you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes

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(815): you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes http://tfl.nu/koyr

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.

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(603): well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access. http://tfl.nu/o23q

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(562): View more from California

I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.

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(562): I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die. http://tfl.nu/mr7u

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(716): View more from New York

my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?

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(716): my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in? http://tfl.nu/3561

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me

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(715): Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me http://tfl.nu/9534

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep

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(412): It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep http://tfl.nu/wopt

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(903): View more from Texas

Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up

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(903): Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up http://tfl.nu/zu39

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(514): View more from Quebec

So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?

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(514): So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much? http://tfl.nu/8ysl

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(303): View more from Colorado

You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness

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(303): You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness http://tfl.nu/eryk

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.

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(218): Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out. http://tfl.nu/tj30

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(850): View more from Florida

I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.

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(850): I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25. http://tfl.nu/pimr

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(734): View more from Michigan

When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.

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(734): When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office. http://tfl.nu/5u6k

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