I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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