i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I touched a dick in church today
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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