I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
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Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
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I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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