once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
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Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
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That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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