Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
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I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
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please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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